what a concept ... long term survivors ... yes we do exist!

I found out I was HIV positive in 1986. I expect I acquired the virus in 1984-1985. I was tested at the local health department and was also given a number. The number thing does not bother me.

I remember sitting on top of a mountain ... looking out over a beautiful valley ... crying my eyes out ... thinking I was given a death sentence. I was 25 years old ... alone .. scared ... without a support system. I went into denial and lived life on the edge. Heavy into drugs and alcohol ... to cover my real fears. I would have to say ... I did not think about it alot ... but then again ... as I stated ... I was heavy into drugs. I never sought out medical care. Today, I am glad I did not. AZT was the bandaid at the time. I am sure I would have been advised to go on AZT ... but ... as life turned out ... I did not ... and I believe that was a good thing.

I know people today ... that do not have any syptoms ... except side effects from meds ... that were treated in the late 80's with AZT ... and they are still on it ... even though they have not had a high viral load ... and no sign of TCells dropping ... I feel sorry for them that they had to go that route. I ask them ... don't you ever think about going off your meds ... since you have no symptoms ... fear keeps them stationary. They follow blindly rather than forging their own path. In the early 90's ... or so ... we began to hear about long term survivors. I did not give it much thought. I had disclosed my condition to a few people ... it was always the same responce ... what a miracle ... and I do feel that way myself. I became pregnant in 1994 ... again in 1998 ... I did take AZT during my pregnancy ... it has been proven to reduce the risk of transmission ... both of my boys are HIV negative. I received alot of negativity from folks around me when I became pregnant. Are you willing to bury that baby? That was one of the comments a "friend" made. I have been HIV positve for 16 years ... asymptomatic ... no meds. I enrolled myself in a study out of Boston ... I have a rare molecule in my gene structure called P24 ... a molecule associated with rhumatism ... big deal when I think of the other alternative ... not having this molecule. This P24 is common in long term survivors. You may have it yourself. I would be interested in knowing that ... you did not mention it on your sight. Do you know about P24? Do you know that we are a 1 percent population out of the total HIV/AIDS population? When you think about it ... it is like winning the lottery ... a lottery on life ... people die from this disease. I agree that meds are not the best ... but people do die from the disease. We should feel blessed that we are amongst the group ... long term survivors.