Sometimes it takes great sorrow to lift us to the life we’re meant to live.

Being gay in this day and age, eventhough it’s more accepted is still very hard. We have to deal with intolerance from the community, our families and ourselves. This stress in my life later manifested in poor health. I have somehow felt that I was stricken with AIDS because I created it out of depression, a lack of self love, lack of purpose. I felt no hope and I looked forward to no future so I created my illness. My thoughts were suicidal when I became ill so I let the condition overtake me.

I didn’t want to live. I developed more acute symptoms. When I was at my sickest I weighed only 122 pounds. I had dizzy spells and blackouts in conjunction with gastritis and diarrhea. I was jaundice and bilious. I was melting away. The doctors had no idea what was wrong. All they could do was pump me full of drugs and take my money.

            I think a big part of AIDS deals with the spiritual side of each one of us. Some people die in a week. Some hang on for a year. Some hang on for years and turn the situation around. I think AIDS stems from a lack of self love, as any disease does, because if you truly believe in the power of love, there is no room for disease. If your body, mind and spirit are receptive and the opportunity is right, AIDS will take you fast.

            My condition only worsened when I was being treated with orthodox medicine so I started looking for alternatives. Holistic medicine made sense to me. We are not just physical bodies. Our body has needs, our mind has needs and our spiritual self also has needs. I firmly believe that was when I started to get well. My depression cleared. I wanted to live.

            One of the first things I did was go on a carrot juice fast for six days. This arrested my fever. While I was on it I also did colonics. Then I went on a rigorous diet program. I drank almond milk for protein and herbal teas to heal my nervous, respiratory and immune systems. I didn’t work or do anything else. I just focused on getting well. I had tumors and I dissolved them all.

            I am convinced that a holistic way of life prevents and cures disease. If the mind is not disciplined, disease can take over. I know I was sick not only in body but in mind and spirit as well. These factors need to operate in unison. The mind is very powerful because we are creators. We create our own depression when we don’t accept ourselves. I feel that I created my own disease because I fostered the conditions that nurtured it. I abused myself through my lack of self love.

            Some people who discover they have AIDS are literally scared to death. Their minds are overcome with fear. Don’t give in to that panic or give it power. It’s of the utmost importance for people with AIDS to make peace with themselves, to decide what they want. People should never believe they have a fatal disease. It isn’t fatal. It is a temporary situation you can change.

            When I turned the sickness around I turned my life around. I have been completely well now for six years. Holistic medicine has brought me a whole new awareness about taking care of my body and my life. Sleep is important and so is what I eat. I take vitamins, supplements and minerals. I avoid sugar, red meat and dairy products. Sugar erodes the immune system very quickly. My bout with AIDS changed my life in so many ways. It gave me renewed strength, new courage, new direction and new power within myself. I can look in the mirror and love myself. I’m proud of who I am. When you constantly judge and nag yourself you create a snowball effect that can rob you of your life. I always remember to love myself.